Cargo Cult of the Sun
by poisontaster
Summary: Suddenly everyone's going native. But there's going native, and then there's going NATIVE.


At first, Charlie thought he was dreaming.

Then, when Aaron made_yet another_ mess in his nappies—the third in two hours, mind you—and he was cleaning up the toxic waste and saw it again, he thought maybe he was hallucinating from lack of sleep.

Everyone was willing to help, but Claire was still a little squiffy about letting anyone too close to Aaron, and who could blame her? Which meant it was mostly the two of them, and something had to give, right? And what gave, mostly, was his sleep. So he was totally willing to entertain the notion he'd just been awake far too long.

By the third time, he speculated whether he'd been hitting the skag without really being aware of it, because… Well, it had to be the heroin, right?

But who could he ask?

"Hey," Charlie flung himself down in the sand next to Hurley, trying for a bit of nonchalance. You could tell because he crossed his legs at the ankle.

"Hey." Hurley was fiddling with yet another of his fishing lures, this one made of a bit of banana leaf and a flake of shiny metal. Charlie didn't know a whole lot about fishing, but it didn't seem to him that fish were much interested in bananas, and thus this one would probably work no better than the others. But you couldn't tell Hurley stuff like that.

Charlie decided to go for the gusto, figuring he could always pass it off as a joke if Hurley gave him the sketchy eyeball. "So… Did my eyeballs fall out of my head, or was that Jack walking around all jaybird?"

"Jaybird?"

"Naked."

"Oh." Hurley seemed unsurprised. "Yeah. He says it's too hot for clothes." Hurley took a moment to fan the neckline of his own sweat-soaked T-shirt, bringing the aroma of Hurley to the forefront. Charlie knew he didn't smell a whole lot better; cold-water wash could only do so much; so he didn't say anything. At least he wasn't hallucinating.

"Yeah…but_Jack_?"

Hurley shrugged. "Doc's going native, I guess."

"Huh."

Couple days later, Sun must have decided the same thing, because Charlie was up—when wasn't he?—for an early morning whiz and saw her doing yoga or tai chi or some such, naked as the day she was born. Whilst this was_far_ more interesting than, say, Jack's twig and berries, it still gave him a bit of the willies. There was going native, and then there was going_native_.

Sure, naked was all well and good if you had abs and runner's legs like Jack's or…well, anything like Sun, but what if you were a pigeon-chested punter with an arse pale enough to snow-blind, what then? Or what if—Heaven forefend—they convinced Locke, or Rose, or…oh gods…Hurley, to go along with this little nudity fest?

Right. Charlie zipped up, suddenly resolved. This had to be nipped in the bud, and right quick.

"Look, Jack, it's not like I'm saying don't be_comfortable_." The doctor shifted lazily in the sand; Charlie hastily moved his gaze to the cluster of three palms above and to the left of Jack's shoulder. "I'm just saying…"

"Jack, I found some!" Kate emerged from the trees, rubbing something into her arms. Sunlight gleamed bronze off sweaty skin. A_lot_ of sweaty skin. "Oh, hey, Charlie."

"Yes. Um." Charlie swallowed. It was suddenly_much_ warmer, and that much more difficult to keep his eyes on some neutral distance. Did his voice sound as squeaky as he thought. "Hi."

Kate's nose wrinkled. "Aren't you hot?"

"Yes. Well. Not so much," Charlie lied desperately. The neck of his shirt and pits were soaked through and stained dark, but he was a Brit, and he'd be damned if he couldn't brazen his way through a simple lie.

"You look hot," Jack said, regarding Charlie through half-slitted eyes.

"We've got plenty of suntan lotion," Kate said, waggling the bottle at him.

"No, thanks."

"Charlie! Here you are!" Ever since The Others, the sound of Claire's voice went straight to his gut. Charlie whipped around and saw Claire picking her way down the rocks, Aaron cradled carefully in one arm. Aaron hid quite a lot—he was growing so bloody_fast_ --but not nearly enough.

"Claire!" He knew his voice squeaked this time, and he didn't give a damn. "Not you too!"

"Not me what?" Claire blinked up at him, puzzled, while Aaron chewed experimentally on a strand of pale blonde hair.

"I really think you're being kind of prude here, Charlie," Jack commented. He accepted a dollop of sunscreen from Kate and started rubbing it into his chest. Slowly. "Hardly the reaction I'd expect from a…" Jack made a gesture, fumbling for the right words.

"Rock God?" Kate supplied, sinking into the sand next to Jack in a comfortable sprawl, one that was making Charlie distinctly_un_comfortable. "Gotta say I agree with the doc here, Charlie. Or should we start calling you Charles?"

"I don't think he really looks like a Charles," a new voice chimed in. Sayid. Charlie didn't even turn around. Some things were better left unseen. "Do you, Shannon?"

Oh bloody_hell_.

"Hard to tell what he looks like, in all those clothes," Shannon drawled. "Except hot and uncomfortable."

"Aw, we can fix that, can't we, Charlie?" Claire reached out and tugged at the bottom of Charlie's shirt with her free hand.

"Hey!" Charlie flinched away, but Shannon and Sayid must have come up_right_ behind him, and there was nowhere really to go. "Come on, quit playing silly buggers!"

"Silly is fainting from heat," Sun opined, appearing at his left elbow.

"Dude."

Charlie shut his eyes. This had to be some dream. Some awful… He cracked an eyelid…semi-sexual, crazy cargo-cult dream. This couldn't be real. He was going to close his eyes, count to five, and then he was going to wake up.

_One._

"Charlie, you're just being silly."

_Two._

"Everyone's doing it."

_Three._

"C'mon."

_Four._

"It's no big deal."

_Five_.

Charlie opened his eyes.

Charlie closed his eyes.

Nope. Still naked.

_"Charlie!"_

"All right! All right!" Charlie gave in, ripping his T-shirt over his head. "Fine. I hope you're all_very_ happy!" He kicked off his shoes, and followed with his pants and then his boxers. "Bullying a man into nudity…you should all be ashamed!"

"There," Jack said. "Don't you feel a_lot_ more comfortable?"

Charlie drew in a breath to say something, then stopped. He shifted left. Shifted right. The sweat that had been gushing down his back and nethers started to dry, for the first time in days. There were interesting tricks of…airflow. "Huh."

"Now come on and sit down," Kate said, patting a section of sand. "Sun's made a picnic lunch for everyone."

Wondering now what he'd made such a fuss about, Charlie gingerly sat down. "Huh," he said again. "I guess I could get used to this," he allowed grudgingly.

The next day, it started to rain.


End file.
